I Only Wish For You To Look
by violetkisses
Summary: The ache in his chest, the hole in his heart, the emptiness in his life. It was all his fault. But still, as Aidou laughs, he wishes. He only wishes for him to look. That's all. One-sided.


A/N: Heyy guys. Another story. It's a miracle I was still able to write this. School has been so busy. Seriously, college is so very different form high school. Like hell, a week's worth of lesson in high school was discussed in college for just one freaking day. What the hell. My brain is on the verge of blowing up. And to top it off, we have 2 math subjects and 2 effing chemistry subjects. Shit. Gah, Bummer, AH. Everyday, I have to suffer hours of math and chem.

*WAILS* I'm so sorry for ranting and complaining but let me just do it. I'm so stressed! School is so tiring and I have to study for my quizzes and do my sociology paper. This is so GAAAAAH. Anyway, I'm quite satisfied with this fic, I actually got the idea when I saw a quote in tumblr. Mehehe, hope you enjoy it! Reviews would make my stress go away.

And btw, to the reviews I haven't had the chance to reply to, I shall reply soon! Been busy is all. Sorry!

Without further ado, ENJOY!

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**I Only Wish For Him To Look**

Hanabusa Aidou laughed as Ruka cracked yet another joke about hunters. It was unusual, really. For him not to be the one cracking jokes, it was unusual. But truthfully, he just wasn't in the mood. In fact, he's been acting really odd for weeks now. And it was all _his_ fault. The loss of the usual spark in his eyes, the loss of the usual laughter in his life, it was all his fault.

_Everything was always his fault._

"Are you okay?" An orange-haired man seated beside him asked, prompting Aidou to turn his attention away from the unusually hyperactive Ruka.

He looked at his cousin. He took in the furrowed brows, the wrinkles on his forehead, the straight line of his lips. Aidou couldn't help but feel guilty. He was the one who caused his cousin to wear such somber expression. He was the one who caused Kain to worry.

But again, he just couldn't help it. The ache in his chest, the hole in his heart, the emptiness in his life...it just wouldn't go away. And It was all his fault.

_Everything was always his fault._

The blond forced a smile, a smile that didn't reach his ears, a smile that he knew wouldn't fool his cousin. A smile that he would always wear as long as it would stop the people around him from worrying…even if it was just for awhile…even if it was just pretend. "Of course. Never been better."

Kain's brows furrowed some more. The worry etched on his face more defined. He was really, really worried about his usually noisy cousin because lately, he hasn't been acting like his usual self. No more smiles, no more laughs. Just that empty gaze that seemed to be lost in a world only his cousin would know about. "You do know that you can talk to me about your problems, right?"

A fake laugh escaped Aidou's mouth, "Of course I do, silly Kain. But what's there to talk about? I'm perfectly fine so," Aidou touched his cousins brows. He slowly massaged them into relaxation. "don't worry about me anymore. You're going to get wrinkles."

Kain let out a small smile. He didn't believe his cousin. He knew there was something bothering the blond but for now...for now he would just let it slide. "Fine. But if you want to talk..."

Icy blue eyes softened, "I know. Thank you, Kain."

Kain nodded, taking one last look at his cousin before turning his attention back to Ruka, promptly smiling as she finished yet another joke. Aidou sighed softly, enough for him to hear, but not enough for the other vampires, despite the sharp senses, to hear.

From the corner of his eyes, he looked at that familiar brunette. That brunette he always admired, that brunette he would defy gravity for, that brunette he would forsake salvation for. That brunette he would always call Kaname. His eyes sharpened, something akin to jealousy reflected in them as he watched his king circle his arms around his lover.

A sharp pain shot through Aidou's heart as he looked at the silver-haired hunter wrapped around Kaname's arms. He bit his lip.

Another pain, sharper than the one before, assailed his heart. He watched as Kaname held his lover closer, enough for his lips to touch Zero's ears. Kaname whispered something, something that must have been wonderful for it caused the hunter to smile, and something that unbeknownst to the pair of lovers, caused the blond named Aidou nothing but pain.

Because never in his life...never in his entire life would he have ever thought that he would be jealous. Never in his life would he have ever thought that he would be jealous of him. Jealous of Kaname: his friend, his leader, his king.

Because right there, wrapped around his leader's embrace was the man Aidou wanted, the man Aidou needed, the man Aidou desired, the man who would never be his, the man who Aidou will never be able to call his.

The blond closed his eyes, fighting the tight squeeze in his heart. As he heard Ruka finish yet another joke, he laughed. He laughed so hard, so unnaturally loud.

And as Aidou laughed, he wished. He wished that Zero would look his way. Not so the hunter would see how happy he was. But so that maybe, just maybe, Zero would fall in love for his smile just like how Aidou fell hard for his.

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A/N: So...what did you guys think? I've always wanted to write a fic about Aidou and finally, I was able to do it! Yaaaay. I am so happy. Please do review! I know some people hate it when writers ask for reviews but I DESPERATELY need them. They absolutely help relieve my stress and they make my day. So please. Spare this author some of your kindness!

THANK YOU!


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